2005-02-14 - 11:00 p.m.

Deanna is trying to kill me

I don't understand how anyone can be so coldhearted and selfish. How someone can throw away an entire year and five months. She is such a self-centered,coldhearted,hypocritical,lying,betraying bitch. Do you want to know what the saddest part about that is? I still love her with every ounce of my entire self. She even told me that she doesn't know if she still loves me or not. What the fuck? You will NEVER EVER know how I feel. Because if by some charitable chance I decide to get back together with you...I would NEVER do something like this to you. Or would I? You've taught me one thing my dear...and that is: whatever I want...I should do. So come prom nite...YOU are going to do what I WANT. NO OBJECTIONS. You don't even realize that you gave two things to me that you can never give to anyone else. You gave me your virginity for one thing. Try as hard as you can...you'll never get that back. And you let me see you. Something you said you'd never let anyone do until marriage. You have nothing special to give. But then again...its not like it matters to you. All you need is yourself right? So if something unfortunate happens to you...all you'll really need is yourself. You threw me away like I meant nothing to you. I don't know how you will ever expect me to be there for you ever again. I just may not be. I just may not ever trust you again. I may not ever be with you again. But you don't even care. All you care about is yourself. You can say that you're sorry, but sometimes sorry isn't good enough. You need to back up the words you say with actions. I can't believe you think you are a good Catholic. You've experienced pre-marital sex and you abused and threw away someone who loves you dearly. You made someone who absolutely adores you in every way feel like he were better off dead. In heaven, the angels cry. You may never see that. You cannot act like this toward people and expect to see heaven. It doesn't work that way. It isn't right to make someone feel like they want to die because they have nothing left to live for. The Bible itself tells you to think of others before yourself. How dare you think yourself so pious. How dare you. You are immature my friend. Immature. When you are only concerned about what you want...THAT IS IMMATURE. Are you in college or elementary school? You act the latter. I know you're going to read this and I want you to. Don't ever expect me to feel sorry for you. Don't ever expect me to be compassionate toward you. Don't ever expect me to feel empathetic to you. Don't ever expect me to rush to your side when you need someone the most. Because you refuse to do it for me. If you consider yourself a follower of Christ then show it. Look up some of the words he has said and live them. Then maybe you won't hurt the people that love you the most so badly.

 

what is behind me - what lies ahead!

Back from Emergenza - 2005-02-19
Deanna is trying to kill me - 2005-02-14
Numb - 2005-02-13
True Love - 2005-02-07
District Chorus Tommorow - 2005-02-01